Not private just yet...

Okay...I DID go private for a few days, but realized when I was trying to add all of you who wanted to keep following me, that if I didn't have your email address, then I couldn't add you. There are some of you who do not have a blogger profile, and therefore your email is not connected to your comments. I CAN'T FIND YOU!!!

So, although I have SO much to share with you, I am going to wait a little while longer. If you are a lurker and emailed me, or not a lurker and emailed me, would you please leave a comment with your email address? Or you can email it to me at tracyphillips93@gmail.com . I won't stalk you...well, maybe....but probably not.

If you are a friend of mine on facebook, don't worry...I will be linking you to my site. And I promise none of you who want to follow me were the problem! (You guys are so funny!) The troublemakers wouldn't dare ask to follow me!

Alright...hurry up...I'm anxious to post!!! OH! And if you already received a notice that I added you, disregard this...you don't have to do anything else!

Going private....

UGH! I so did NOT want to do this. But, at least for a little while, I must. There is some slandering going on that could cause (and has) major problems for us and while I know who it is, I can't stop it with a public blog. At least until Emma is final, and then hopefully I can come back.

I don't want to shut anybody out...well, other than about 2-4 people, but I feel like God has used this blog to minister to others and I have met SO many great friends through this blog. Sigh.

So, please send me an email at tracyphillips93@gmail.com or comment on this post if you would like to still read my blogs. I hope you will hang on as I have learned so much from you all! Even if you are a lurker...email me and nobody will have to know! LOL!

I'll leave this for a couple of days and then I'll have to disappear! I feel like I need to go into the witness protection program. What's really sad is that some of the people involved were friends. Guess I didn't choose my friends wisely enough!

Hello Friends!! I'm Home!!

Emma Claire made her SECOND appearance (haha) on Thursday, March 18th, at 4:35pm. She is such a good baby. She sleeps all night, eats well, and smiles 95% of the time. She weighs 13 1/2 lbs...she's little. And adorable. And perfect!

Samara came over to me this morning and as she was smiling at Emma, she said, "Mommy, isn't Emma the perfect baby you've always wanted?" I told her that Emma was the exact baby God wanted to give to us. She agreed.

So, as far as adoption specifics, think of this like a private adoption where there is a 6 month waiting period for finalization. That's what we are doing. When DHS places a baby in an adoptive home (that was not their previous foster home) there is a 6 month waiting period. Basically, DHS is giving you a period of adjustment so that there is not an adoption disruption. Not gonna happen in this case, but sometimes problems become apparent in those 6 months when you have older children placed with you. The other difference is that a DHS worker will come to visit Emma once a month. Not a big deal to me. She is here. That's all that matters, right?

God is a good God. Always. In all things. Every time. Just sayin...


"But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit." Jeremiah 17:7-8

TWO...MORE...SLEEPS!!

March 15, 2009, God said this to me:

"God is not a man that He should lie. He is not a human, that He should change His mind. Has he ever spoken and failed to act? Has He ever promised and not carried it through?" Numbers 23:19

It's March 16, 2010 and in TWO MORE SLEEPS, I will see a promise fulfilled with my very own eyes! And so will you!

I spoke with the worker yesterday and she said Emma will be here sometime Thursday evening. (March 18) This is just three weeks after we went to court, six weeks since we recieved the phone call from Raychel.

When the Phillips get a baby...you know...the DHS way...the very first thing we do is give them a bath! (Actually, that was one of the first things I did with my bios, too! I need them to have our scent I guess!) I cannot wait to get my hands on that baby fro that Emma has on her head! And smother her with pink baby lotion! And rock her while she sucks her thumb!! OH MY GOODNESS!!

I cannot begin to tell you how easy this has been. I have NEVER had DHS go this smoothly. I don't know why I am surprised...God told me to sit back and let Him do this. And can I just tell you how much better it is this way???

I haven't shared this with you until now, but I believe it is just another sign that God has been in this entire story. (Not that there is any doubt...but...) Back in August when we pretty much gave up on Emma coming home with us, ever, I remember a still small voice saying "March". That was all. There wasn't anything else like, "Hey sister, I'm gonna give you your baby back in March, so hang in there." Or "Hey chica, I'm going to take care of your financial worries in March, so just be still." (Patrick got a raise and a bonus in a time when many are losing their jobs or taking pay cuts.) I have remembered that, and have had a peace about it all since August. Now, I'm not saying I never got anxious or frustrated, but in my spirit, I knew we would have answers in March. Isn't God good?

On the morning of court, I was pretty nervous. DHS court has always made me nervous, but this time was different. I had my phone playing my Pandora station and a song by Crystal Lewis came on that I had not heard before. I can't tell you how many times God has spoken to me through music...it's as if He is speaking to me face to face sometimes!

Trust Me

Close your eyes
Take a step
It's okay
I know where we're going

Don't fret
I've been before
through these valleys
down these long and dangerous roads
yet dark as they seem

Trust me
though you can't see
you can trust me
the way may be steep
you can trust me
let me lead....trust me

Open your eyes
but don't let go of my hand
let your tears give way to smiles
see the joy inside the trial

Don't worry, you're safe with me around
rest assured I'm on your side
I won't let you hit the ground
but close as it seems...

It's true that what's in front of you
isn't always clear
but you must believe it in your heart
that I'm here...I'm here.

Next post...Emma Claire...for keeps!

You won't have to lift a finger!

I just can't stop thinking about this verse and how good God is. He always does what He says He will do. ALWAYS!

Some things have changed since my last post. And I have yet to lift a finger. God is moving DHS like I have never seen them move before. As a matter of fact, this has been so easy that there is NO denying that God is all over Emma coming to us.

Our homestudy was turned in on Monday. If you recall, we started the DHS adoption process long before Emma came back into the picture. We had no idea....but God knew. Do you think that's why He was so insistent on our turning in our paperwork?

I also found out that DHS did want to open our home as a kinship foster placement so they can get Emma here sooner. I was a little worried that we would have to deal with our old county, but it wasn't even mentioned! So, the all walkthru was done and all paperwork turned in.

Yesterday, I received the email that said our home had been approved and opened. The five day notice was mailed to the foster family who has Emma (this is common procedure) and we are scheduled to get Emma placed in our home next Thursday, March 18!!! WOOHOO!! God is so good. No more hurdles. Our adoptive homestudy should be completed within a couple of weeks.

Now, we are not sure, but Emma may have to be in our home 6 months before we can finalize, which is common. I'm not worried about those little details.

I cannot wait to share her with you all! In the meantime, I will be attending the Oklahoma Homeschool Winter Summit this weekend. I have two workshops to give, one is easy...menu planning. The other is on grief and I just have to tell you, God has written this workshop Himself. As of tonight, at about 5pm, I had no idea what I was going so say. I had a LOT I COULD say, but not in any logical order. Then God started speaking through me. I am praying that God will bring those women who need to hear His word on Saturday. I would appreciate your prayers as I speak this weekend.

I will let you know when Emma gets here. There is a chance the foster home could say go ahead and take her and not wait the five days, so we COULD get her sooner, but I don't want to get my hopes up!!

He promised me...

Five years ago I asked God to give me more children. A girl. A tiny baby girl. God promised me through many scriptures that He would give me the desires of my heart...eventually.

Emma means "complete" and Claire means "with clarity". I felt then and now that God was telling us that when we received Emma Claire, our foster care/adoption/whatever journey would be over. Our family would be completed with this baby girl.


On July 31st, we believed that our Emma had been born. We would be taking her home forever. God had other plans.


But the promise had not changed.


Fast forward to February 3. I got the call from Raychel, Emma's cousin, asking if we would adopt Emma and could she still be a part of Emma's life. Ummm...it took me about 2 seconds to answer: YES!!!!


Fast forward to today. Court. Here is the prayer I wrote in my prayer journal on 2/5:
"My prayer for Emma's adoption is that it will just happen - no red tape - no hoops - she will be handed over to us and DHS will be the one to make it happen."


And the verse I received that same day?
"Don't be afraid. Just stand where you are and watch the Lord rescue you. The Egyptians (DHS) that you see today will never be seen again. The Lord himself will fight for you! You won't have to lift a finger in your defense." Ex. 14:13-14


And that is exactly what happened in court today. Every player showed up. I took pictures of Emma as we were waiting for our name to be called. We were second on the docket! We all walked up and the worker started with her update. (Normal.)

And then Raychel spoke. And cried. And she said, "I want Tracy to have Emma because she was theirs first and they love her like I do. I will get to see her still and I know this is the best thing for Emma."


And with no other explanation, everyone agreed. PRAISE THE LORD! Our next court date is May 28 and the court is expecting that we can finalize at that time, if not before.


We did not bring Emma home today. I will try to explain it, but please understand that most of DHS doesn't make sense, even to them.


We are an adoptive couple. Emma is an adoptive placement. Our file and hers have to be sent to a "staffing" which is basically where they throw all the files out, mix them up, pull one from the adoptive couple pile and one from the adoptive child pile and stick them together to live happily ever after.


Okay...not exactly like that, but close. Basically, they will say "We have Emma. We want the Phillips to adopt her. K???" But until the staffing takes place, we can't accept placement of her. She will come to us as an adoptive placement, not kinship or foster, which is another praise. We did NOT want to have to deal with Cleveland county ever again.


The only catch with this is that they only have adoptive staffings ONCE a MONTH! So, we have to wait until the March staffing.

After court, Raychel spoke with the worker and was told that she had already spoken with her supervisor and they are going to have Emma in our home by the end of March. This was yet ANOTHER confirmation that this is really happening.


I will be calling my adoption worker on Monday to let her know what is going on and try to find out when they do their staffings.


I am full of awe tonight. I knew that I knew that I knew God had promised this baby. To God be the glory, great things He has done.

Please keep Raychel in your prayers as this is very hard on her. Maybe I should wait to tell her that her visits with Emma will now include the rest of the kids...it's a package deal!



Oh...and to be clear...I did not have to lift a finger in my defense. Amazing!

EMMA CLAIRE IS COMING HOME!!!

I don't have time to give you all the details, but I promise I will blog about it later. God was in control of the entire situation and we have been told by those in charge that she will be in our home by the end of March!!! We are just waiting on the regular DHS process, which is to be expected and would be the same with ANY child we were adopting...I promise to be more detailed later!!

How can I EVER thank you all for all of your prayers????