"Yet I am confident....

...that I will see the Lord's goodness while I am here in the land of the living. Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord." Psalm 27:13-14

This is the verse that God spoke to me on August 5, 2009, the day after we came home from the hospital WITHOUT Emma Claire.....

Last week, we had an ice storm. That left us stuck at home for MANY days in a row. My normal "stuck at home" activities would be to clean out a closet or bedroom or something like that. You know you aren't going anywhere, therefore, you know you can stay on task! Instead, I rediscovered my love of digital scrapbooking. I started digi-scrapping about the time we started doing foster care. It served two purposes. Much easier to get in and out and I needed the closet space that all of my scrapbooking supplies were occupying! So I began. I collected the digi papers and elements and learned the program well. And then Jacob died.

Only recently have I TRULY begun to feel like the old me. I decided it was time to organize my scrapbooking stuff...on my laptop! I had experienced a hard drive crash since I last used the program, so I had to reinstall EVERYTHING....like 4000 papers and elements. It took me 2 days sitting in the recliner, while watching "What Not To Wear" and "Cake Boss". (It was that or the psycho weathermen talking about the "liquid rain"...not sure what other kind of rain possibilities there are, but whatever.)

And then the creativity began. I decided to move from the most recent pics and go backward. I was doing well, but pictures of Emma kept popping up. I was actually tired of looking at them, so I did a two page layout so I could delete the pics. I journaled about our hopes for her and God's plan, finished the page, and felt like I was closing that chapter, for good. It was nice to be mentally and emotionally able to do so in a way that I felt remembered Emma, but didn't dwell on her.

Today, I received a most unexpected phone call. "E's" cousin called me today asking if we had a baby yet. I told her that we did not. She asked if we would/could adopt Emma Claire. (That is what SHE called her...I found that interesting.) We talked some and she explained to me some very valid reasons as to why she would not be able to adopt Emma. She seems very sweet. Evidently, she was told that I was providing "E" with drugs and trying to buy/steal her baby. That is why the cousin stepped in and she said had she known the truth, she never would have taken Emma from us. I laughed because that is what "E" had told us about her cousin!

I don't know all the details of what might happen, but she asked me to please go to court with her on February 26. She plans on telling the judge that she will not be adopting and explaining the situation we had. We are considered a kinship, and our adoption homestudy is in the works, so having her placed with us should not be a problem. (They were willing to open us up as kinship when she was born.) We just need clarity and guidance.

"E's" cousin said that she had been praying really hard about what to do and God brought me to her mind. She feels He answered her prayer. As far as DHS is concerned, Emma is free for adoption. The judge is the same judge we had for Jacob. I feel like God has been moving in this all along. DUH!

Although I don't seem to do this often enough, I got home today and went straight to my Bible. I will leave you with a request to pray for us and the verse God spoke to me, again, today:

"Yet I am confident that I will see the Lord's goodness while I am here in the land of the living. Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord." Psalm 27:13-14