Saturday, June 20, 2009

Our Daddy...

I have felt led to write a post about our Daddy, Patrick. It has been on my heart for a couple of months now, but the timing never seemed right. Since Father's Day is tomorrow, I suppose this is the right time!

You might wonder why I am not posting about my OWN dad, (I am sure HE is wondering since he is one of my blog stalkers), but I am saving his post for closer to the 4th of won't want to miss that one. It will give you a glimpse into our family life that will probably explain a lot about why I am the way I am! LOL!

Back to Patrick. For those of you who are women, when you were waiting for your Prince Charming, did you ever have thoughts about your "rescue"? What it would be like if you got into trouble and your Prince had to come to the rescue? Would he fulfill your dreams? Would he be able to fight off the bad guys? How would he react?? How would you react? Well, I have thought all of those things. Fortunately, for most of us, our Prince's never have to rescue us to the extent that Patrick had to rescue me. Let me explain.

Ten months ago (on Tuesday, the 23rd), our family woke up to what should have been a great day of celebration. Instead, we faced a tragedy that we will never understand this side of Heaven. As we heard Justin scream Jacob's name, Patrick beat me to his room. Patrick is the one who helped Justin move the dresser to free Jacob's dangling body. When I arrived in the room, I scooped up Jacob's lifeless body and rushed him to the living room, screaming at Patrick and the kids to run for help (not sure what I thought waking all of the neighbors would do) and call 911. That is the point where I had to be rescued. I was done and could do no more for Jacob. My husband of almost 16 years took the precious, lifeless body of our Jacob from my arms and proceeded to perform CPR for at least 12 minutes. TWELVE MINUTES, by himself, until one of our neighbors arrived.

I have played those minutes over and over in my mind in the past 10 months. No father should ever have to stand over his dead baby, desperately trying with every ounce of his being to bring that baby back. I have no idea what must of been going through his mind during those 12 minutes. I may never know. I do know, however, that Patrick wasn't trying to save Jacob selfishly for himself. (That's what I would have done.) He was trying to save Jacob for all of us. Probably for me, especially. How could you not be in love with a man who did this for you??? My Prince Charming passed the unfathomable test. I have never been able to tell him how much I love him for what he did for Jacob. I suppose I would have to go back to how he allowed God to open our home to Jacob in the first place. And then, how he supported me in all the dealings with DHS as we went through all of the court/foster/adoption challenges. And then, after Jacob died, how he has been very sensitive to my needs, even when I cannot verbalize them. All I have to do is look at him and he knows. How thankful I have been the times he left work early to come home because I needed him. How thankful I am when he takes the kids to church so I can have a couple of hours home by myself to "be still and know that He is God". How thankful I am that he never complained about my inability to fix a meal for the first 6 months after Jacob died. And there are plenty more examples of how Patrick takes care of his family, but I am trying to finish this before we go to lunch! I am so unworthy.

And as I was writing this post about Patrick's love for me and his children, I was reminded of the Father's love for us. I have said many times before when people have said to me, "I could never do foster do you do it? How can you give those babies up?" Well, how can I not? God gave his ONLY son on the cross for ME. The LEAST I can do is love His little ones when asked.

The song that keeps going through my head this morning is this:

How deep the Father's love for us,

How vast beyond all measure

That He should give His only Son

To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,

The Father turns His face away

As wounds which mar the chosen One,

Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,

My sin upon His shoulders

Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,

Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there

Until it was accomplished

His dying breath has brought me life

I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything

No gifts, no power, no wisdom

But I will boast in Jesus Christ

His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?

I cannot give an answer

But this I know with all my heart

His wounds have paid my ransom.

May you all have a blessed Father's Day...oh...and Patrick...I love you!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

It's a.....


"Not a single one of all the good promises the Lord had given to the family of Israel was left unfulfilled; everything He had spoken came true." Joshua 21:45

"And we are confident that he hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases him." 1 John 5:14

It's official...we have the ultrasound pictures to prove it...our baby girl, Emma Claire, is due on August 17. As far as the ultrasound goes, she is perfectly healthy. At this point, 31 weeks and 1 day, she weighs 3 lbs, 14 ounces. It's no surprise, really, as "E" has gained 9 pounds since she moved into the maternity home almost 2 weeks ago! Did I mention that "E" has had 3 other children (many years ago...they are grown now) and her smallest baby was 10 lbs, 8 oz??? She told me that she doesn't birth babies, she births toddlers!

She is so excited for us. She called me as soon as I got home to see what Patrick and the kids said about the pictures. I prayed that we would have a situation where we could have contact with the birth mother...not sure why...I just wanted that. And here we are. I am going to have to go through my "requests" that God has given me throughout this entire process (the last 4-5 years) and make a list of all the ANSWERED requests! It might take me awhile!

I will tell ya, I was stressing for just a few minutes before we actually "SAW" girl promise has been that Emma Claire would complete our family. If that ultrasound showed extra "parts", that would mean we weren't finished! God has brought me to a place now that I am ready to be finished. I mean, if Ashlee has a baby at the same age I was when I had her, I will be a grandma in only 8 years! And at this point, I will be homeschooling for 27 years. TWENTY SEVEN YEARS!!! WOW! I am just ready for this chapter of our lives to be complete. I know God has many more things planned for us, for His glory, and I am anxious for the journey.

I would ask for continued prayers for "E" as she will have many mixed emotions, whether she likes it or not. As I told another friend of mine, sometimes God's purpose for us isn't easy...but it is always for the good and for His glory. She is also having some personal issues that have been hurtful to her (not baby related), so I would ask you to pray for her comfort and that she would be able to turn these things over to God.

You guys are the best friends...whether you are my IRL (in real life) friends, or my blog stalker friends, I am privileged to know you.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Would you like to know???

I bet those of you who are "blog stalkers" get really irritated with me. I get on here and give you exciting news and then POOF....I'm gone. Well, that's just the way I roll!

So, where did we leave off??? Ah...90% chance of getting "E" into the maternity home. Well, we moved her in last Friday. WOOHOO!!! I cannot even express to you how awesome this last week has been. Now, we have not been without incident, but "E" is settled now, getting the medical help she needs, and she is happy. There is another girl in the home with her and they get along great! I was told today that basically, they eat, sleep, and smoke. Unless they run out of food and then they have to run to the grocery store! "E" is so funny.

Back to the home...God has blessed us and "E" with far more than I could imagine. Again, He put certain people in my life, just at the right time, for His purposes.

Last Thursday, we had to go to the Hope Pregnancy Center for a pregnancy test. Now, if you saw "E", she is noticeably pregnant, but for insurance purposes, we had to have proof on paper. So, we go, and because the director goes to our church, I anticipated seeing her and maybe some others from church who volunteer there. Well, what I was not prepared for was to see our pastor's wife come out to speak with "E". REALLY??? My heart swelled at the thought, again, of how God was orchestrating this all. Lana did a wonderful job of ministering to "E". I was so grateful. Thank you, God!

In other news, we officially closed our home to DHS. It has become quite apparent that they had no intentions of using our home in the way they had said. Therefore, we no longer felt the need to allow them to intrude in our lives! That email was SO freeing!!! Plus, in case you didn't know, we are expecting to adopt a baby in AUGUST!!! WOOHOO!!!!

I would love to say something like "DHS was good to us." But, I cannot tell a lie! (Unless of course it involves missing chocolate and Pepsi and then, I didn't see ANYTHING!) I digress. What I CAN say about DHS is that God provided us, through DHS, 3 broken children and allowed us to be a small part of their healing. It was worth the cost. No doubts.

I have been doing a little bit of "nesting". I am making cloth diapers...not just ANY cloth diapers, but CUTE cloth diapers!! And like I have said, because I am a tad bit anal, there are also dresses being made to match, and a girl can't go out in matching dress and dipe without the shoes to go with!!! And that led to matching burp rags, and dipe changing pads and it just goes on and on.

Here is our last foster know the one who really wasn't "Emma"??? She is modeling for me! They look big, but remember, she was only about 7 lbs when I took this picture!

So, that's what I have been doing. That and spending quite a lot of time with "E". It feels like I have known her way longer than a week and a half. I cannot imagine not knowing her after she allows us to adopt her baby. She calls me each day to let me know she is okay and ask how I am doing. She has told me that she loves me. How humbling. Today she asked me what I was going to name "our" baby. I told her "Emma Claire" and she said, "aww, that's good...don't change your mind". Don't worry! The only thing that would change my mind would be if that baby came out with spare parts! And then, only maybe! :)

I would like for you to keep "E" in your prayers. And I will leave you with a few of the verses I have received in my Inbox this past week...just God telling me to stay the course....

"Live in harmony with each other. Don't be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don't think you know it all." Romans 12:16

"But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along a riverbank." Jeremiah 17:7-8

"And we are confident that he hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases him." 1 John 5:14

"Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude." 1 Peter 3:8

"God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort." 2 Corinthians 1:3

"If one person falls, the other can reach out and help.
But someone who falls alone is in real trouble." Ecclesiastes 4:10


So...I post this blog and as I go to make sure it looks okay, I see on my sidebar that the verse of the day has this:

“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” (Psalm 46:10)


Monday, June 1, 2009

"My grace is sufficient"

"My grace is sufficient for you, for MY strength is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9

Today I was weak. For the past 4 days, I have been trying to figure out what the best plan would be as far as housing for "E". It has been a major source of stress for me because I really did not have any direction or leading from God. There are SO many options and I have only known this woman for a few days. UGH!

So, this morning I just laid it out there while I was making my bed. "God, I cannot do this. I just cannot. I don't know how to do this and I don't want to do this. This is not something I am comfortable with or know anything about. I know that You are in control of this and that You already have a plan. You are going to have to do this. I mean, I've seen you do things like this before, right? I cannot do this alone, so it's Your's."

Yesterday, I had emailed a maternity home that Molly ( had given me and about 30 minutes after that prayer, they called. We are 90% sure that "E" will be moving there on Friday. Please pray everything works out for this to happen. They will be able to give her the help and support that she needs.

God showed His strength today, in my weakness.