Today, Emma Claire is one year old. Wow. A LOT can happen in a year!
Now, if you have been following me or know much about us, you know that our plan to bring Emma home from that hospital did not happen.
But God is faithful. We also know that Emma Claire DID come home to us, 7 1/2 months later, despite plans formed against us, to God be the Glory!
But you know what? If Emma was not here with us, our forever child, God is still faithful. Did you hear me?? Yes, we had what you might call a "fairy tale ending", but what if it hadn't turned out this way? And for 7 1/2 months, I had no idea it would turn out like it did, but I did know that my God would be faithful.
My family has endured a lot of heartache in the past couple of years. But we have also experienced immense joy. It kind of reminds me of the Cross. God allowed His Son to go through terror...it was terrifying...the pain, the agony for BOTH of them, not only Jesus, but His own Father who had to allow it all to happen. But what joy there was on the third day when He rose again and with that brought the promise of salvation! Sorrow and joy, sorrow and joy. It's almost like you can't have one without the other. And yet, God is faithful.
In my "perfect" description of my life, I would have nine children here...Jacob would be a 4 year old big brother now, causing all sorts of trouble with his 4 year old cohort, Josiah. "X" and Emma would be learning all of their tricks. We wouldn't know sorrow like we know it now. I would probably not be sitting here at noon in my pj's typing on a blog when I should be getting ready to leave my house! But God is faithful.
I've said this before, that I cannot share all the miracles that are taking place with "X" right now, but did you know that if Emma had come home from the hospital when TRACY thought she should, "X" would not be a part of our family. It's easy to trust when you can look back and see the full picture of what God was doing, but not as easy when you are in the middle of it. "X" happens to be a miracle, also and I know I keep teasing you with the story, but I promise to share when I can! What joy I would have missed in "X" had the story gone the way I wanted it to.
A couple of weeks ago, my 9 year old Noah said to me, "Mom, when Jacob died, God took one of our blessings, but then He gave us two more blessings!" Indeed He did.
I woke up this morning with this song running through my head, it's one we sang back in my "ensemble" days, back before I probably knew just how faithful God is to me.
In my moments of fear
Through every pain every tear
There's a God whose been faithful to me
When my strength was all gone
When my heart had no song still in love
He's proved faithful to me
Every word he's promised, is true
What I thought was impossible
I see my God do
He's been faithful, faithful to me
Looking back his love and mercy I see
In my heart I have questioned even failed to believe
When my heart looked away
The many times I could not pray
Still my God, He was faithful to me
The days I spent so selfishly reaching out for what pleased me
Even then God was faithful to me
Ev'ry time I come back to him
He is waiting with open arms and I see once again
Every night, I rock Emma Claire to sleep. I look at her as she stares at me with her big, dark, brown eyes and am still in awe of our journey. Sometimes she looks at me with the same awe I look at her with. I pray that her story, our story of God's faithfulness, will be something that others will see and know that God did this!