Wednesday, July 20, 2011

A Vision Revealed

When Jacob was about 6 months old, I had a vision.  The vision was during the day, and I have no doubts that God gave me this vision.  We knew that Jacob was headed toward adoption, but at that point, Patrick and I really hadn't made a decision as to what we were supposed to do. 

In this vision, I pictured a grown African American man, tall and thin, giving his testimony.  I didn't hear the entire thing, but I knew it was a powerful testimonty that changed many lives.  His testimony was that he had been born addicted to drugs and by the grace of God, he had been placed in a family that loved him and helped him heal.  God was definately using the man in my vision for a greater purpose!  I felt like that was God telling me that we would be adopting Jacob.  And we did. 

If you've followed my blog at all, you know that Jacob was never meant to stand up and give that testimony as an adult.  Since his death, I have questioned this vision.  What did it mean?  Was it just so I would know we were supposed to adopt him?  It just never felt right and I, being human, really needed to know how I could have misinterpreted this vision that was given to me so clearly.

Fast forward about 4 years.  In order to finish this story, I need to tell you the story of Aaron.  Remember how I've been promising to tell you and then I never do??  You will understand soon enough.

Aaron was placed as a foster child in the home of my very good friend.  She was in the process of closing her home and ended up feeling led to take this one last baby.  Jacob had been gone for 4 months at the time and I remember her bringing him to my home so I could hold a baby.  He was precious, but we were looking for Emma at that point. 

Fast forward 10 months.  We had lost Emma Claire to DHS a couple of months before my friend asked if we could keep this sweet baby for the weekend while they went to the lake.  SURE!  I remember taking this baby into Walmart with us and thinking "Wow, I feel complete for the first time since Jacob died."  I shared this with her and that's when it started....she started praying.  She prayed that God would change our hearts and we would find a place in our home for this child.  I, on the other hand, was NOT praying in this way!!!  I also had no idea for a long time that she had been praying this as well.  Well, we kept him a few more times and our hearts were changing.   He sure was hard not to love!  We didn't get to bring Emma home, so maybe God was changing "my" plan?  We got to know him more and more, prayed and prayed, and God changed our hearts.  We were going to include this child in our family.  It was settled.  God had placed this baby with my friend just for us!  I cannot tell you how grateful I will always be to her for following the Holy Spirit's lead.

And then we get a phone call.  "Will you adopt Emma?"  WOW!  That's 2 babies to add to our home.  That's a lot.  Aaron and Emma are 8 months apart in age.  Where will everyone sleep?  Is our truck big enough?  All those human questions...ugh!  But, God gave us peace and we said yes to both of these babies.

And that is how Aaron was placed in our lives.  As Noah said, "Mom, God took one of our blessing (Jacob) and gave us two more (Aaron and Emma)!"  If God had allowed us to bring Emma home when WE thought we should have, we never would have said yes to Aaron.

Back to the vision.  A week or so ago, I was thinking about Aaron and how he is the least affected by the drugs that he was exposed to in utero.  Aaron's bio mom tried to kill herself and him 3 times toward the end of her pregnancy.  I realized that God must have huge plans for this boy to protect him the way He did.  And  all of a sudden, it was like God slapped me across the face.  My vision that I had assumed was Jacob, was Aaron!  Praise God! 

And that was why I couldn't share Aaron's story with you before now.  "Praise God from whom all blessings flow!"

This picture is the first time I had both my babies together.

This Mother's Day....

I feel extremely blessed.  For the first time in 6 years, our family is still.  Let me explain.

In the Summer of 2005, Patrick and I started praying about our family and foster care.  By the Spring of 2006, we had our first placement.  Since then, we have had 3 placements that did not stay with us and 5 placements that we have adopted.  We lost a child to a piece of furniture.  We have been scrutinized, judged, lied about, treated with such utter disrespect by hospital staff, law enforcement, and DHS that I cannot even think about it...I try NOT to think about it.  We have had failed adoption placements.  We have dealt with the effects that drugs have on an infant and how those effects have followed these children into their childhoods.  We have dealt with/are dealing with Reactive Attachement Disorder, Fetal Alcohol Effects, Sensory Disorders, Auditory Processing Disorders,    I have gone to bed SO many nights asking God what He was doing with our family.  Would we be keeping the children He placed in our home or should I prepare them to move?  You promised us Emma, how do I get to her??  We have our Emma...wait, no, she's gone.  Wait!  She's back!!  Aaron?  Where did you come from??  You weren't in the plan AT. ALL. 

But here we are, in May of 2011, our family complete.  We have our health, we have our home, we have jobs, we have family and friends.  This mother's day, while I will never forget or stop missing the child I lost for a little while, I am at peace.  Total peace.  God has given us this time to rest in Him.  I have no idea how long this time will last, probably not long considering I have a daughter who will start driving in October and that almost ALWAYS leads to graduation, marriage, grandchildren, etc!!  So, again, I will enjoy the peace while I have it!!

Ephesians 2:10 says, "For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago."  

God...I'm ready to do the good things You planned for me long ago!