Saturday, October 25, 2008

Not so good day...

It's nobody's fault. Just how it goes. I try to be encouraging on my blog. I don't want it to always be a downer...that isn't my life. But, as hard as I try to do it a different way, it is just as I have been told. Grief sucks. I said it. It is completely unpredictable. It has no regard to what else might be going on in your life, just rears it's ugly head at any moment it feels like. I have had enough. I am done. I just want my baby back. I don't mean to scare you off. I will probably be fine tomorrow, but today, I need him back. I guess I shouldn't complain. I have had a week and a half of really good days.

Patrick and I went to see "Fireproof" last night. It was amazing. I encourage you to go see it if you have not already.

I did go to the doctor today (because Patrick told me I couldn't come home unless I went) so hopefully I will be back to normal soon! I really want to clean out a few closets, the garage, and the list goes on!

For now, I will just settle for a bubble bath, flannel pjs, and a few sugar cookies in bed. (Patrick doesn't mind crumbs...I will eat them on his side!)

6 comments:

  1. I'm sorry you're hurting. I'm glad you put it on here so we'll know how to pray.

    Grief sucks.

    Love you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Tracy,

    Just know that I continue to lift you up in my prayers. Part of my prayers for you(and your whole family) is that you would feel the loving comfort of God's arms around you, and strength to get through each day.

    Sherry

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  3. Tracy, I am so sorry! I was thinking about you today, I do often for some reason...maybe God reminding me to pray for you all. Oh, I heard that song on KXOJ about one day it will be different and we won't have anymore pain or grief, the artist is escaping my brain of course...but I couldn't help but think of you all! There's nothing I can say to take away your pain, but to maybe know we are STILL praying...we are STILL remembering sweet Jacob...this HAS changed even my life, every moment is slower and sweeter, I try to even enjoy tantrums knowing you would love to be able to have just one more moment with your baby. Okay, bawling now...know you are loved by this absolute stranger!

    Molly

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  4. Me again, I had to find this one for you! Hope it speaks to you! This is Jeremy Camp There Will Be a Day

    Lyrics
    I try to hold on to this world with everything I have
    But I feel the weight of what it brings, and the hurt that trys to grab
    The many trials that seem to never end, His word declares this truth,
    that we will enter in this rest with wonders anew

    But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings
    That there will be a place with no more suffering

    (Chorus)
    There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
    There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face
    But until that day, we'll hold on to you always

    I know the journey seems so long
    You feel you’re walking on your own
    But there has never been a step
    Where you’ve walked out all alone

    (Chorus)

    Troubled soul don’t lose your heart
    Cause joy and peace he brings
    And the beauty that’s in store
    Outweighs the hurt of life’s sting

    I can’t wait until that day where the very one I’ve lived for always will wipe away the sorrow that I’ve faced
    To touch the scars that rescued me from a life of shame and misery this is why this is why I sing

    ReplyDelete
  5. thepayneslife.blogspot.comOctober 27, 2008 at 12:29 PM

    I'm crying with you, and I want you to have your baby back! I couldn't imagine. I'm praying for your comfort I know how strong you are by all your posts,and it's ok to tell us about the days that suck! Find comfort in knowing we are all here praying foryour family.

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  6. Tracy,
    I hope you are having a much better day. You are right, grief is horrible. I am so thankful that Jacob had you to love him for those two precious years. God blessed him in a mighty way by giving him you for a mommy. I'm praying for you. Love you, Shawnah

    ReplyDelete