I was working in my flower bed this afternoon. (Those of you who really know me, don't get too excited...it was really more pulling out the dead stuff...not really working.) Anyway, as I was tugging at the dead plants that had overun my flower bed, I decided it would be a good time to have a little talk with God. Little kids were sleeping, big kids were occupied, no interuptions. So, our conversation went something like this:
"Okay, God. I know you have promised us a baby. I know without a doubt you have led us thus far, because we would not be here without you. Please give me a little encouragement today."
Let me back up a little. God promised us more children. I have no doubts about that. It's all over my Bible and He confirms Himself regularly. BUT...Satan is smooth. He puts these creeping thoughts into your head. "How could someone just give you a baby? That's ridiculous! Besides, you already have all those kids, there are other families who would love to have just ONE baby. Why are you being greedy?" So, then the HUMAN part of me starts to think about it. Hmmm...yeah, maybe I should just be satisfied and thankful with what God has already given me. Why would God give ME another baby? This is never going to work.
So here is my theory...I think God would give me a baby just to SHUT SATAN UP!!!! Seriously.
Actually, I know He has a baby for us because later today, after my little conversation with Him, this is what He said:
"What is faith? It is the confident assurance that what we hope for is going to happen. It is the evidence of things we cannot yet see." Hebrews 11:1
I am confident that our hope for Emma is going to happen.
"By faith we understand that the entire universe was formed at God's command, that what we now see did not come from anything that can be seen." Hebrews 11:3
Emma will not come to us from anything that can be seen. (I am taking this from the standpoint that Emma will be a complete surprise, nothing I can plan or have any part of.)
"He (Abraham) went without knowing where he was going. And even when he reached the land God promised him, he lived there by faith..." Hebrews 11:8b-9a
"It was by FAITH that Sarah together with Abraham was able to have a child, even though they were too old and Sarah was barren. Abraham believed that God would keep His promise." Hebrews 11:11
Patrick and Tracy will have another child, even though they have so many and they really don't deserve any more, and they are just baby greedy!
So, lest you missed the whole point, I asked God for a little encouragement and I got exactly what I asked for!
Thank you, God!
And completely off topic, but I have been thinking this past week as I am on the upside of the pit: Grief is a lot like being bi-polar. Seriously. I am not making fun. S&J's mom is bi-polar (No she's not...yes she is...no she's not.) Okay...so maybe THAT was uncalled for. Anyway. I watched her moods change and there was an obvious cycle with obvious emotions for each part of the cycle. I feel like that! At this point in my "grief cycle" I am planning, accomplishing, thinking complete thoughts, etc. SO far from where I was last week when I couldn't stop crying and couldn't even remember what to call the refrigerator! (Sorry Bryce...the ketchup wasn't in the dryer...it was in the REFRIGERATOR!!!) Sigh.
That's all I have to say about that. :)
5 months ago