Monday, February 16, 2009

Still waiting, but...some news!

I just need to get this out of the way, first. There is a picture of the cutest little black baby boy on his first birthday hanging on the wall in my living room. I miss this little boy desperately. I am told that I seem to have it all together and it surprises people if I am ever "out of sorts". While I am pleased that God has chosen THAT person for you all to see, it just isn't really me. When I am at home, in my bedroom, I don't have ANYTHING altogether. I want my baby back desperately and have an extremely difficult time getting through some days. I know my baby's picture is hanging on the other side of the wall and there will be no more birthday pictures.

Enough of that. You know that baby we thought was coming in January??? Guess what?? She isn't due until MARCH!!! Kids...stay off of drugs...they mess with your BRAIN! UGH! Honestly, in my experience with these drug addicts, there is no concept of time. Yet, they can come up with these illegal, elaborate schemes to provide for their habit, but can't remember their kids birthday! Don't get me started.

So...I have at least another month to wait. That will give us time to get Samara and Josiah's adoption finalized. We found out that all DHS needs to do is send a copy of our homestudy to OK county. (DUH!!! This is what I had been telling them!) So, our attorney went on Friday to file our petition to adopt! WOOHOO!! I will let you know what our date is as soon as I find out...will hopefully find out this week.

I know God's timing is perfect, but sometimes my flesh gets in a hurry! Oh...remember that "Thursday" that something exciting was supposed to happen?? Well, the bio mom of my first two foster boys contacted me on THAT Thursday. I have had the opportunity to see the boys several times since then and have no doubt that we will continue to be a part of their lives. How exciting is that??? How many foster parents get that opportunity?? The bio mom is pregnant and due end of March. We are trying to help her get herself set up after leaving an abusive situation a few weeks ago. I am thrilled to see the boys and get to help her. God did NOT go back on His word. He was just blessing me in a much different way than I was expecting.

We will not be going back online with Christian Adoption like we thought. We decided to go ahead and let God do what He is going to do. Big of us, huh??? Patrick told me that God was truly trying to teach me patience. I told him kindly to shut up. Maybe the wait is because HE needs to learn something. Yeah...I's probably me. LOL!

I do have yet another prayer request. Our baby's bio mom is in serious trouble. Not only with the drugs, but like I said, she is on the run and there are people looking for her. I don't even know how to tell you to pray other than for her protection and salvation. Pray for our baby, too, for her health and protection. And for God's will to be accomplished throughout this adoption. I am relieved to hear that we have another month...of course, that means I have to clean the bathrooms about 5-6 more times before this baby comes. UGH! (I have no idea why I do this, but I count down "times to clean the bathroom" when watching the calendar!)

Last week, as I was reading my Bible, 2 days in a row, God said, "So be prepared, because you don't know what day your Lord is coming?" and "So stay awake and be prepared, because you do not know the day or hour of my return." Day 3, I was anxious to see if God was telling me this again...nope. Nothing. UNTIL...I got home and my friend said, "Tracy, God told me to tell you to read 1 Thess. 4-5...I don't know why." So I did...there was lots of good stuff, but nothing dealing with my specific circumstance, until I read this: "Now, brothers, about times and dates we do not need to write to you, for you know very well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night."

I believe God is telling me that like the rapture, I will not know when this baby is coming...He has it all under control. All I have to do is sit back and wait. I am claiming this as my "rhemas". The "rhemas" of Scripture are the passages of the Bible that the Holy Spirit gives to us for personal application. I believe that because God's Word is alive, He can speak to us through His Word on a personal basis, through "rhemas".

I think that pretty much catches us up...sorry if this post is a little bit all over the place...I have no excuse!

"I will praise the Lord at all times. I will constantly speak His praises. I will boast only in the Lord; let all who are discouraged take heart." Ps 34:1-2


  1. This is all so very exciting!

    I love the honesty about Jacob. I know that part of being a Christian and a mom is continuing to live life IN THE MIDST of deep pain and greif. So, as much as I think you are handling this with so much grace and strength, I know it's because it's what you have chosen. You have chosen to put one foot in front of the other, even when it causes extreme pain. You have chosen to cling to your Savior.

    We'll be praying for all of you in the next 5-6 bathroom cleanings!

  2. Even though it seems to everyone that you have it all together, I do remember that you miss your baby. I think the fact that you can at least pull it together some of the time is remarkable. I am sure it seems that everyone has moved on and forgotten, but I know that you continue to deal daily with pain and grief. I will be praying for baby Emma and her bio mom and their safety. March will be here before we know it. (I am also impressed that your bathrooms get cleaned so often :)

  3. I know that you're still hurting...still missing...still coping. Thanks for the update on how you're feeling. I always wonder, but seldom ask. Would you rather be asked?

    It's always good to read your updates. I speak your name to our Father every day.

  4. I found your blog off one of my friends and have been following along with your journey. You have touch my heart and life more than you know. I noticed in your post today that you were looking for help with a pregnant mom who just let an abusive situation. Please feel free to call me at 858-2797. I am the manager for the Safe Families Program and our program might could help or I might have some resources that could. thanks.

  5. Oh Tracy I'm still here waiting with you! I'm still so moved by the acknowledgment of your soon baby that I can only imagine the waiting on your end. I knew that something was off, but didn't know what, but I knew it wasn't the confirmation that I felt and knew was Gods word! I hope this all makes since to you I'm overjoyed by the news!