Friday, September 12, 2008

He holds my tears...

Today was a really good day. God gave me a glimpse of His plan for us. He gave me an answer to a prayer I have prayed for many years. Even though the specific circumstance did not turn out the way I wanted, I am at peace and have hope for the first time in 3 weeks.

As my friend, Jennifer, reminds me, today was just a "chapter" of God's story for our lives. Yesterday I posted about God telling me not to be afraid that some "plan conceived behind closed doors would be the end of me". He told me that I need not go looking for my future. Well, today, God dropped an opportunity into my lap that I NEVER would have expected. I started praying that if this was not HIS plan, that He would close the doors. I also believe that when God opens a door, even just for a moment, we are to keep walking through those doors until He closes them. So I kept walking and praying. I am not sure the door is completely closed because I don't want to limit my God, but either way, the joy I have had today was beautiful.

Today, God reminded me of His love and mercy in the Psalms..."You keep track of all my sorrowsl You have collected all my tears in Your bottle. You have recorded each one in Your book. On the very day I call to you for help, my enemies will retreat. This I know: God is on my side."

I shared with a friend tonight that today was the most normal day I have had since Jacob passed. It really felt good. I did not "forget" about him today, but he did not consume my thoughts as he has. I was happy. I watched a friends children this evening and I found joy in watching our children play outside instead of sadness that I wasn't also watching Jacob. God is good. He is a merciful, loving God.

Tomorrow is Jacob's "gotcha" day. I picked him up from the DHS office 2 years ago tomorrow. I don't think the day will affect me negatively. I am not attached to dates...Patrick and I seriously forgot our first anniversary...BOTH of us! It's a good memory. I picked him up at 5pm on a Wednesday night. I brought him home, bathed him in Johnson's baby bath, followed by that sweet smelling Johnson's baby lotion, dressed him in the tiniest boy outfit I had, and took him to church. My kids were there waiting. My foster kids weren't "mine" until they had a bath and lotion!

If I haven't said it before, I will never be able to express to you all how much my family and I have appreciated your thoughts and prayers. I have felt you intercede for me when I did not have the words. I love you all!
(Jacob loved our stupid little dog!)


  1. Well I'm so excited to see what God has in store for you...COME ON JUST TELL ME!!! *lol*

    Good to hear that you are better....I'm sure each day is different. You're an inspiration to many!

  2. I just wanted to let you know how much I enjoy reading your blog. It's so neat to watch how God is working through you and your family. You've even inspired me to start blogging, too. Thank you so much for sharing how God is using your family to further his plan.

  3. Thinking of you and praying for you today. Love you, Shawnah